I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
