She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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