When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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