I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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