there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
