I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
