I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
