Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
