How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
