I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
No subtext here. People are naked.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
