I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
