I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
