i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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