You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
