So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
