but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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