at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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