Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
