the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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