We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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