walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
whose parrot is this?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
