I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
