Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
