I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
