I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
