I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
