so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
you never un-have a 4some
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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