Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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