I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
