lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.