I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
