so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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