so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
