I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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