i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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