He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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