Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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