I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
