They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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