I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
