I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
