She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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