I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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