If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
