I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
