I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
