Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
