my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
