Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
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We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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