Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
