tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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