I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
soo... how was my night?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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