I wish I could punch you in the face.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
