the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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