k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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