The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
