Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
