yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
