i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
