I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
