The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
