Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
