people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
