So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
