I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
