I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
