just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
