that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
