pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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