I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
