I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
