How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
