the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
