You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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