he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
