Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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