The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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