I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
