For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize