"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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