Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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