so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's just like the Real World with babies
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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