well I can't set my house on fire every night
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
