well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
