If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
