Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
